period: columbus

columbus: frambes: amber: on the couch

i had my arm around her and we were sitting talking to friends
i felt invulnerable with her there

we made out on that couch once
we made out in the movie theatre

i remember standing with her outside
i remember seeing her at a club

the club downtown where the party was going on

period: person reflection

first time met: at a event held at the miami valley school announcing awards for scholarships and achievements with podium speach and crowd in the suburbs of dayton in the state of ohio in the country of usa

last time seen: on the street at the club in the city of dayton in the state of ohio in the country of usa

best shared memory: winter trip traveling to shirley's home in car with few friends visiting her house meeting her parents sliding outside on snow meeting her dog being locked out of the house knocking on the door of neighbor telling her i liked her on the drive back and she told me she liked me with everyone asleep in the back

period: person

first time met:

on the stage in the miami valley school seeing an indian kid with a guitar singing with a band and playing guitar smiling having fun making it look fun to do

last time seen:

at the two person table in the rear area of chipotle where less people sit eating a burrito

top memory:

playing guitar singing into a mic with amp plugged into the wall at shisha lounge to people filling the place completely having fun getting warm reception and respect and praise and enjoying

period: columbus

college: freshman year: IA scholars: bolivia trip: carla

when i was over in bolivia i ran into a girl called carla. i felt something for her and this was her home country where her family lived and i think i was and jared was also trying to get her attention. on the bus it seemed like he had gotten her attention but in the hotel and i dont know when i had her attention. and we were going out and into the market place i remember holding her hand and running along the streets in the markets and having a great time. there was something exciting then that was really cool.

period: columbus

college: freshman year: the winter spent in shirley's town

i drove down with shirley tora kirby gregg and joelle

we spent some time in tora house

i went to shirley's house with her

i met her dog her father and mother

we spoke about music and slid down the driveway on the ice

we got locked out of her house and went to the house next door until her parents came back inside

on the drive back i told shirley that i liked her

she told me that she liked me too

it was a nice time that i had

a good time with a nice good person that i really loved

period: osu

osu: the other hang out spots

there was eddies the best bar in town because it would serve alcohol to people without checking id's then there was steak and shake open all night where i pulled some all night study sessions and there was a place called bento go go where i would grab some sushi alot of times

period: osu

osu: the hang out spot

vivek and i used to go and hang out at chipotle, we'd get a burrito each and go to the back room where there werent many people around and we'd just hang out and talk about whatever. sometimes it was band names, other times it was about music stuff, always something exciting and always some scheme being plotted back in the headquarters out of the rear room in chipotle.

period: osu

osu: freshman year: food

we used to go eat pizza late at night at a place across the street one place sold out the window another was a dine in sit down place adriaticos with some of the best pizza id ever had and down further was a more stylish cafeteria style place with vegetables and things and then down in the middle of campus was a sub restaurant with nice subs, mirror lake

period: osu

osu: freshman year: the dorms: gregg's massive alcohol stash

we used to go down to greggs room and get drunk gregg used to keep loads of alcohol in his room and we would go and have lots of drinks there

period: osu

osu: freshman year: dorms: kirby's room: the martini making set

kirby used to make all sorts of martinis freshman year out his dorm room and invite loads of people to come by and have drinks

period: osu

osu: freshman year: IA scholars: toronto trip

we also drove down to toronto
spent a couple nights there, went on some tours, saw some of the districts, walked near the college campuses, went bar hopping by night

period: osu

osu: freshman year: IA scholars: Bolivia trip

we went with the ia scholars down to bolivia. i had never heard of it before then, except in old disney cartoons. great place with political turmoil, llama steaks, and cervesa

period: mvs

mvs: 8th grade: independant study time

part of our eight grade year was traveling to gettysburg to see the battlefields there

period: post sinclair

went to iceland, saw rejkyavik, saw a band, walked in the city, saw the university, hung out in a library

i had a really great time and we only had 2 nights there

period: return to dayton

i remember when i was sitting at home and read a message written in kirby's handwriting outside my door

kirby had come to visit and had knocked on teh door but i didn't know
i called him up right away and adam and he came over later on

when they walked inside i was literally shaking i was so excited

period: columbus

i remember going to vivek's house in beavercreek

there was a family get together, goldie was there along with other people

period: return to dayton

dayton: friends: Richard

when i returned from columbus i sought out old friends, one of them was a guy named richard. we went to high school together and kept in touch sporatically since.

i saw him with his girlfriend, i do not remember her name, but she was being talked down to by richard, and i was angry by it. when i saw him speaking to someone that way i decided to tell her directly that wasnt a cool way to act and then i told him later. but that was the end of our friendship. i didnt want to continue being friends with someone like that.

period: highschool

highschool: immersion

one immersion i did with a guy named paul, i made a cd

one immersion i went to japan

one immersion i did photography

period: return to dayton

last september i got serious about playing open mics, i went and played alot every week i was out someplace and just singing and playing in front of people, it was pretty crazy and pertty awesome at the same time.

period: columbus

columbus: college: freshman year: cutting hair

so this was something i had thought about for ages and ages and i was excited to do it, to cut it off and to be free of it and to be free really and truely, to be liberated and free, but my parents were hardcore against it like really hardcore, and it was difficult to just go and do it while livin at home. well while i was out at college i got one of my friends to go and cut it and managed to actually do it, and that was amazin. the feelin was great and liberatin as hell. i felt free!

period: return to dayton

i remember talking to this girl online i guess she was someone on xanga or myspace and i got her on aim and then on the phone. we met up, got icecream, went somewhere, and ended up hooking up in the back of a car. which was unexpected because i was just going to say hi. i got weirded out, i didnt call for a long time after.

period: columbus

lauren: first time in bed

lots of drugs had been taken, mostly pills, and alcohol i think, and she asked me do you want to sleep with me, and i said yeah, and we did it, i dont know if we really did it or not, but i remember her getting undressed.

period: columbus

lauren: first time

i met her in robs basement

she was there as a friend of rob and damiens
i guess they all went to school together
rob invited her over
damien had a crush on her
she might have had a crush on damien

she was there while we were writing and playing music

period: columbus

columbus: vivek: suicide: why?

i wonder why he did it. did he do it? what exactly happened. I never heard back on what the toxacology report was. the results. i think the result was they found many different kinds of substances in his system. i wonder why he did it. he was doing heroin. he began not that many months before. i dont know why he did it.

the fact is he was found in his room, dead, with many substances in his body.

the fact is he was buying heroin and using it.

these facts need to be taken to heart, before anything else.

era: qegs

in quegs we put on some sort of a play where i was an aold man in bed meant to snore loudly

era: blackburn

used to take swimming lessons and the pool, also saw the ... pagemaster? film about a boy wizard who reads and could d osomething magical wiht it... unsure

a guy used to drive videos to our house in the back of his car

a guy named uncle bob and aunty kora lived next door,

we used to race to our house first is the worst second is the best third is the one with the hairy chest

the other one was gold silver bronze and a bit fat belly

nina used to get big fat belly alot

QEGS

they used to have us do piano violin and recorder lessons

we wore garters and gray socks

in heathfield we wore green cardigans and

era: ankeney

there was a guy who used to clean up the trash but he was also a kid at the school kinda strange

there was a band instructor, i was in band and played trombone, i joined cause in fairbrook goldie joined

there was a song called basin street blues which i really liked and played that alot at home

we played concerts and it was fun

era: england

i think punch and judy was really common at birthdays

era: England

guy falks: so a guy trie to bomb the queen but they caught his so the cut off his head had it tarred feathered and put on display in the london dungeon which i saw when i was younger

era: QEGS

queen elizabeths grammer school black top playground and swimming pool building dining hall wooden tables floor apple crumble singing hymns ( our father who art in heaven ... ) soccer on fridays cricket sometimes gym matt riley cherie phillip christopher barker i went to his house and his grandmother made me apple crumble and it was near guy falks day i think ian had a birthday where he took us all to the blackburn stadium

heathfield

there was mohammed and hannah and lots of other people that i dont remember

i scraped my knee once and the teacher helped me

we played in the gym alot

i remember the uniform was green

era: fairbrook

i liked a girl called goldie mehan before her charlotte winter but i never had the guts to say anything to charlotte goldie though i told her i liked her and then people walked around in the halls saying tha goldie and i were going out which made me really embaressed because we werent really going out just i had asked her and she handt said anything

her friend and her laughed at hair on my legs

i had a friend named jacob martin he lived in my apartment complex and he was from missouri

we were both in boy scouts and we made something called the woodland warriors where we would go out into the woods behind hte apartments and we would follow trails and things and we found this huge field with tons of cement blocks really high and we made these ideas to make forts and things out of the blocks

wiht the boy scouts i went on a few camping trips we went out into the rain and the forest and roamed on these paths for a long way it was fun and we made a fire and decided to keep it up even through the rain and we did and someone had a bird dropping fall on his head and we did a long hike where we walked for ten miles which was a long long way back then

i was in the beavercreek soccer association with a friend called allen donheimer and that was pretty cool one time he got tackled and he did a full flip before he fell down

era: chicago

we used to live with jasbir masiji and in her basement was this tv that i used to watch star trek the next generation on there was a baskin robbins across the street from the backyard and a card game store too that we could buy things at

era: chicago

i remember living in an apartment of our own, we used to have a tire swing around in a play ground nearby and there was a school named rocyemore that we used to go to there was a day care after school and perhaps summer program we used to be dropped off at and i think we used to takl about power rangers there and make tie dye shirts and i think in this school we did a musical on johan sebastian bach which used songs based on his music which was cool and we played with plastic dinosaurs and there was a blacktop area outside we used to play on

i remember having some sort of a fight with someone on a bus

i remember i guy named gordy that was into movies and made an entire film himself about bad guys and stuff

there was another guy from puerto rico that invited everyone over to his house for his birthday and there was somehting outside where i was sitting on i think inside we were playing mario cart.

era: highschool

senior year: senior recital

we had a show i guess everyone had a chance to d something but didnt have to, i decide to do something. i think i did two songs, one was the beatles song let tbe with richard, and the other was hit me baby one more time by britney spears. when i got onto stage i was nervous the light was right in my face, i saw white not teh crowd though ic ould hear thm and see them a little. when i began to play the song people i had crushed on began danncing to it. people were happy and singing along and dancing and i was elated i was well my cheeks were flush probably and my hairs stood up on end on my arms and i was amazed and overjoyed and so so happy it was wonderful exciting and amazing. for a second we all connected over that song and it didnt matter who we were or what we were doing we all loved that song and we all had fun together singing over it.

era: highschool

japan

while in japan arthur zeyda showed me and some other guys this cd of massive attack, i boguht it and liked it, i also had a cd of... jurrassic 5, and liked that too. anil and kanu borrowed that one. i remember sittin in the flight lsitening to music while we flew from china.

i remember the great wall vaguely. the stairs were very steep.
i remember eating very tastey food in china. chinese food like chicken and things but very well done in ways that you wouldnt imagine after eating mall food.

in japan we visited a town with deer roaming in teh streets, the deer were considered holy. we took a train past mount fuji, both ways. we went to hiroshima, saw the memorial and the museum from world war two, a very horrible place. we visited a few temples and shrines. there was a book we were supposed to read that i didnt. i think sean was my roommate for some of the way. i tied a putka on him once and there is a photo of this in an album. i drank a blue drink in a bar there i think with kirby. yeah kirby was there because we took a rickshaw ride together with the rest of the class. i think this was when we came to a school of children and they were singing and dancing. elizabeth grimes was laughing happily when she saw them and was loving towards them; it was then that i really felt something for her. tokyo had alot of lights and things, there were multi story electronic stores with lots of neat things. i bought a digital camera there for alot of money. i bought a few different things there. the wall scroll came from a werehouse there was one just before we were getting ready to leave and they offered to send it back to the states for us. i bought a jade ball a few different things some post cards and the wall scroll which was an illustration of a dragon.

era: highschool

sometime when i was seventeen i went to england. i saw our house in beardwood park blackburn. the place was the same, it was a bit dirty, bit of disrepair, but some of my old things were still in the house. down the road sammy still lived with his mother father sister and brother. we stayed with them. i played a guitar there and i think wrote a song. i brought it back to the states and it was about seeing the house for the first time. there are one or two different songs that seem to intermingle around that time one starts with a C cord the other starts with a detuned something with open strings like a dashboard confessional song

this was probably my first song of any meaning, before then i had written a song called... masters of the night with kirby ... and ... something... i remember the chords, A, G, A#

era: columbus

the midnight stairwell committee

somewhere along the line in the harrison apartments kirby and me began to go to the stairway and hang out he would smoke ciggarettes i would smoke his ciggarettes i would play my guitar and the echo was huge because the stairway was twelve stories high

i wrote one or two songs in that stairway there was one called "... ( something ) ... kyoto "

era: columbus

laurens friends: cocaine

we went over to his place, dont remember the name, guy from iraq, liked comic books, lived upstairs with a few of his friends, nearby the ... open mic place we used to play at, lauren wanted to get some speed, we got some used it then i went home

i wrote a few songs with it, i dont remember which, but it was alot, ah yes, it was back when i was doing alot of the more darker depressing keyboard things, and those things were kinda righ taround the time vivek had passed away, and i wrote about twelve of them,

i think lauren and i had had a conversation abotu her wanting to get off drugs, i think i was outside her friends place and i had told her that i lvoed her, she told me i only thought i did, and that i really didnt

i wrote this song one of the twelve or so that night for her about saving herself keeping herself clean and alive because i loved her and liked her around

era: columbus

speed dealer

walked into the apartment, it was across the hall from viveks place
at that tmie he lived kinda way off in his own area with agass station across the street for food and stuff and all along the way from frambes all sorts of parties and stuff

the guy was a bit weird i got that sense right off the bat and he was kinda dangerous too i got that sort of feel, iw as just talkin and then the guy says are you a cop got a wire lift up your shirt so i did and his friends and he got a kick out of it then they were cool. i guess vivek and he were talkin about some speed and then i guess vivek and i ende up splitting some, they had a pipe to smoke it out and we smoked it a bit then headed out.

period: coachella

the indio california festival coachella....
wow

i went to this place with my dad, we staye din ana indian casino, we flew into hollywood and drove down with a cab and what a great experience seriously i had a badass time. i went down there and in the place and all the bands and everything i had a wonderful time and the music was amaing i saw coldplay live at night with thousands of other peple and i saw bloc party sandwiched in with a ton of other people these were real energetic experiences and it was amaxing i havent seen anything like it all the energy and everthing positive energy people seeing their heroes over and over many times during the day and it was amazing

we stayed in a casino

it was a nice place pretty alrge and the rooms were nice

but the stages of coachella in the mornign when the place was empty was the real deal man

you walk in and you see this huge field and there are these big massive stages

you dont know who is going to be playing but you do know you are excited!

period: columbus

the apartment: the view

what a sweet view i had man the windows were huge and we were on the twelvth floor right at the top and we had the whole city ahead of us and man it was great. i lvoed that view and the lights looking onto those lights at night was something else it really took you away.

period: columbus

so yeah, the vivek days.

the night it happened.

I was out with some friends, nick, his girlfriend, and me all out at the bar, eddies was the place, right down the street from my house on frambes, this plce was great because someone else could get you a pitcher of something and they wouldnt ID you. it was nice because that was as peaceful a place as id found fo rpeople to just go and have a drink undisturbed. the palce got pretty busyon some nights. I think chris and i were chatting with some girls there and had some adventures with that. So we were sitting there. and then Vivek's friend Jason gave me a call on the cell phone, back then i and still today i never have may people with that number so its a rare occurence for a phone call to come through so i picked up the phone likely pickign it up thinking wow someone called me there is an excitement slight when you get a phone call because you know its going to be someone you like

and then i hear the words hey sandeep vivek is dead

and then i walked outside and i saw the ambulence down the street in front of his apartment and was thinking ... nothing ... just shock. surprise. amazement.

so i was sitting watching sleepy hollow thinking wow i want to act

so i asked my dad where the camera was and my mom said check behind the tv so i found it but didnt see any usb inputs on it. i was thinking that it would be cool to write down my story and maybe film it or at least get it from start to finish to get the whole thing down and be able to see it from beginning to end.

so i was sitting and thinking how am i going to do this. and i think i am going to sit down and write my story in as much detail as possible from start to finish and then i can make some sense of the events of my life have a sense of continuity and also be able to let all the past alone and let it stand on its own.